Gossip Gabbing and Flattering Friends

After reading my Daily Bread devotion, I felt inspired to write a post about gossip. It is for certain we have all gossiped at one time or another, and what I mean by gossip is saying words that are damaging about another person who is not present. The story could be true or not. At least, that is what I mean when I refer to the word "gossip" in this post.

Proverbs 16:28 talks about how gossiping can separate friends. It is not just that it hurts a friend when they find out what bad things have been said about them, but when a friend tells me bad things about another person - I begin to wonder, "What do they say about me to other people." A gossiping friend is a friend I cannot trust (Proverbs 11:13, Proverbs 20:19), and so it puts a strain on the relationship. There is awkwardness when we get together.

The Bible warns me not to believe them when they speak kindly to my face because their heart is full sin(Proverbs 26:25). I think perhaps gossiping and flattery may be mirror traits. Flattery may be a person's way of encouraging others, but I cannot see a persons heart. Could it be deceitful? Somehow a compliment without heart makes me feel worse, not better. Perhaps I just assume it is flattery because they also gossip to me. When trust is broken, you cannot accept that person at their word. This is a result of sin, and is no way a judgment, nor is it to be repressed. No one needs to be a doormat.

It is always ideal to think the best of others (so if you know me, do not think I am talking about a specific person as a way of venting). It may have been a misunderstanding. I think differently then most people, so I have probably unwantingly communicated a bad message with a good heart. Even if they did make a mistake, we are all on a journey, so we have no right to judge them. Exiling a person from your life is not the answer either, but the Bible is clear that spending time with them can be dangerous. Bad morals does corrupt good company. More so, these relationships tend to be toxic, leaving us drained or torn down after a meeting. If I am going to meet with a gossiping girlfriend, I ask my husband to pray for protection for me, and I pray the same for myself - as well as my words would be honoring to God. Sin is always exposed eventually, so no need to take revenge yourself. We serve a just God.

If we have been talking badly about someone behind their backs, it is a good idea to go and apologize to the person you spoke to (not about). For example, if I spoke badly about my husband to a girlfriend, I would tell my friend I am sorry for speaking in a way that was disrespectful to God. This will work to restore trust between you and your friend. Also, if your friend is a Christian, you can get accountability out of it as well. We often think of gossip hurting the person who is not present, but it hurts the person you tell as well - whether they are aware of it or not.

Thanks to Catherine, Hope and Sara, who are friends who always leave me feeling encouraged! Thank God for all the kindred spirits and those who belong to the race that knows Joseph! If you get what book series this reference is to, comment your answer.

The painting above is titled "The Gossips" and is by Norman Rockwell.

A Simple Christmas

Like most area's of my families' life, Christmas needs to be simplified as well. Every year I try to make it more simple so that we can draw closer to Christ. This is just my own opinion, but I think less is more for the holidays. It makes more fun and enjoyable for all.

This year to simplify gift giving I gave all the Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles the same present, which was a photo album from Shutterfly. The grandparents will receive a large album and the Aunts and Uncle ( our brother and sisters ) a small 8 X 8 album. The project only took me a few nights thanks to Shutterfly's storyboard feature. It also helped that I regularly upload my photos during the year. All the albums are identical, so I only had to make one. This makes a good present because it is not something they can buy themselves, and there is not too much else for me to get them because they buy what they want for themselves.

One thing we are doing again this year that has worked very well in the past is that each child only gets 3 presents from us and there is 1 large family present. Their relatives give them their presents at different times, so this is pretty much all they open on Christmas morning. For the three presents, my husband and I give one large ($30 tops), one medium and one small. This allows us to take a slow pace and open one present at a time, watching another family member open their gift. Limiting the gifts really helps to make Christmas morning more enjoyable.

How do you simplify Chritmas?

Preschool Resource

My dear friend told me about a website called Preschoolers and Peace. I am excited to use some of her resources. Thought it may be helpful to others too. What to do with those darling preschoolers is always an issue when you home school. It must be out of necessity, but women who are blessed with many children seem to have really good ideas of how to manage life.

After Thanksgiving Sales

A homeschooling mom I know had a smart idea of buying what her family needs for the whole year on Black Friday. The thought makes me dizzy because I hate crowds and lines, but it does sound like a good idea. However, I cannot figure out what I would purchase. Our clothes are bought January, February, June and July, or bought used, or gotten for free. I only buy sheets and towels every few years.

What would you buy that your family would need for the coming year?

Too Many Emails, Not Enough Time

How I reduced my email stress by 80%

This blog post above (click on title for link) is the break through I have been looking for. I have a huge problem with e-mail. For a long time, I knew I needed to do something about it. But what? I tried discipline, but my life just does not allow that much time. Then I get behind, and I feel like never looking at e-mail again. We miss out on things and I let others down, all because I cannot get grip on my Inbox.

Learning these types of solutions, like from the blog link above, really improves the quality of my life and my families.

After reading the post, I sat down that night and fixed my e-mail account to file most of my e-mail for me. I also unsubscribed to a lot of junk mail. I love the feeling of my stress level going down. It was great to wake up in the morning and not see 50 new emails to go through in my Inbox.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Kids say the funniest things. Don't they? I love hearing funny things from my kids and stories other mothers tell me about what their kids have said. Here are a couple funny ones. Can you add some of your funny ones to the list?

1. After hearing the story about the last supper, there was a question at the end: "Why did Jesus have to die?" Autumn (4 yrs. at the time) replied, "Because he broke the bread."
2. Autumn, "My pumpkin is growing hair!" (It was actually mold=)!)
3. My girls and I were cleaning the bathroom when my five-year-old said, "God made me a good helper." Then my almost-two-year-old added, "Jesus help me wipe potty!"
4. When I asked Autumn what she learned in Sunday school (when she was 4 yrs.) she said, "Jonah". Then I asked, "What happened to Jonah?" She replied, "He got stuck on a fish."

The Learning Gap

Recently read a book titled The Learning Gap: Why Our Schools Are Failing and What We Can Learn from Japanese and Chinese Education by Harold Stevenson. I found this book fascinating. It really changed not only the way I view education, but also the way I teach my children. Here are some notes, comments and quotes:

• When the class is too noisy or misbehaving, the teacher turns to the class leader (student) and says, "I can't teach the class like this." Then the leader turns to the students and tells them to be quiet, so the teacher may continue teaching. This has really changed the way I school. When my children have a bad attitude or are distracting themselves in some way, I state, "I can't teach you like this." If they don't have a response to that right away I also say, "I will go and do something. I want you to sit there until you are ready to be taught. I will come back soon and ask you if you are ready to learn." I repeat this until they are ready to learn. It has never taken more than 15 minutes, even with one who is very rebellious about doing school.
  

• Preschool and Kindergarten years are primarily concerned with social skills, not academics. First grade is when the transition to serious student takes place, which -when you think about it - is a much better developmental age. Before 1st grade, not much is expected, scholastically wise, of Asian children except good social skills. They save that for 1st grade and beyond, when the child's mind is physically capable of learning and thinking.

• "Experiences in Asia, where there is little formal academic teaching in preschool and kindergarten, show us that it is not necessary to concentrate on early academic preparation in order to develop high achieving children."

• Teacher stays with the child for 2 to 3 years.

• Asian schools take a lot of time to teach study habits and how to behave and work in a classroom.

• Asian schools do a lot of group work, each group is made up of a variety of students - those who are doing well and those who are struggling. They help each other learn. Nor do they separate special needs children unless it is an extreme case. They do not feel any child is beyond learning and achieving good grades, as long as they work hard and have perseverance. They do not put children in a certain track base on what they think their abilities are scholastically. This has be very liberating to me, if my child does bad in one subject, we CAN catch up. Also is very helpful when Ms. G does not win a medal at an Irish Dancing competition.
  

• When an Asian child gets a wrong answer or does poorly on a test, it is looked upon as telling the teacher and student what they need to learn. They believe with hard work and perseverance the child can get that answer right, no limitations based on individual intellect. They always seek improvement. If their child gets a 93 on a test, they hope and work for a 95 on the next test.
  

• "By assuming that all children are able to learn effectively if they are taught well and work hard, Asians have enhanced the achievement of all their children."

• "The worst Chinese students in mathematics received scores that were near the average for American students!"
  

• Children do not do chores at home as much as US kids, their primary job is seen at being a student. However, Chinese and Japanese children clean and take care of the school property. Needless to say, there are no choice words written on their school walls because the students who have to clean it off.
  
• Parents are very involved in their child's education. The child is given a study area at home. Parents are supportive of the teacher and the school. Teachers are in constant contact with parents.
  

• The author attributes some of the poor world standing of American students to the fact many schools use a spiral approach. Where as our Asian counter parts completely teach a concept and then do not teach it again. In Japanese schools, every school uses the same books, so there is less difference between the educations students get. While in America, it is up the local school or teacher. Each state provides standards, but no where near the degree it is in Japan.

• Asian elementary schools have 4 or 5 mini recesses a day and a longer lunch period.

• "Recesses not only allow for physical recovery, they also help to make school a place where children can interact socially with their friends. Typical programming in American elementary schools does not meet children's needs for social interaction and group membership. Schools often appear to be lonely, even harsh places, and children become increasingly disengaged from school the longer they are in attendance." (This is a quote from the book, and no they are not homeschoolers to my knowledge. It is also helpful when answering the socialization issue. )

The above is not my personal opinion necessarily, though I may comment on the notes. Japan does not allow the freedom to homeschool, so I am not suggesting they are right about everything. I do think we can learn a lot from their educational philosophy and their dedication to their children's education. This was an interesting book to read, but one downside is it is old - 1992. I would love to read a more recent book comparing American and Asian schools. The author does have another book (reprinted with a new cover) titled The Teaching Gap: Best Ideas from the World's Teachers for Improving Education in the Classroom. I am looking forward to reading it.