The 'What If' Child

We have a child that is a deep thinker.  He is always asking a 'what if' question.  In the photo above, he asking himself what is really going to happen when he fights Darth Vader, will my parents find me in this crowd when I am done, will I use a real light saber  . . . .   Really, all kids get the worries from time to time and want to know 'what if.'  For a deep thinker, the world can be a never ending place of fear.  They think too much for their own good.  Their heighten awareness spawn one scenario after another.  Our children should know that worries and fears are normal, that everyone has them, and we need to show them what we do with worries.

Our children's 'what ifs' are a great chance to make clear to them basic Biblical wisdom.  It is easy to forget when our minds start spinning.  I tell my child, simply and bluntly that,

• "You can handle anything that happens to you WITH GOD."  
• "Life will keep you busy enough with real things that happen to you, don't waste your time with 'what ifs'."
• "Don't keep 'what if'ing your self because they never end.  They will just go on and on."
• "What ever happens, you will just deal with it.  God has a plan, there is no need to worry.  He won't give you anymore then you can handle WITH Him."
• "You need to deal with what is happening right now, at this moment."  
• "No matter what happens, stay calm and pray to God for wisdom.  He will show you what to do."

Another exercise that is good to do is to ask them, "What are you afraid of happening?"  Or, "What is the worse that could happen?"  For example, if the child says they are afraid of the house catching on fire, you would help them see that they would leave the house and the fire department would come and put the fire out.  This exercise may be too hard for a child who lacks the ability to reason, meaning a child on the spectrum or with delays.  The point of the exercise is to show, what ever happens, you will just deal with the situation.  

Death may come up in your 'what if' conversation, but you need to deal with it honestly, while only giving them simple information that they need to know.  It is best to be calm, steady and sure of yourself in your delivery.  If you don't believe it completely, your children will see that, and they won't believe either.  As Christians, we have no fear of death.  If your child is persistent, but not yet mature enough, I tell them they will learn more as they get older, but now is not the time.  They need to grow more.  

Having an environment where your child can come and talk to you about what is on their heart plays a major role in providing that teachable moment.  If we have our child's heart, if they feel loved and safe with us, they will let us into their most personal thoughts.  Our children need us to talk to.  They need to be reassured by us.  During these talks with my children, I always remind them that it is our (their mother and father's) job to take care of them and help them though any events that might happen.  Even when they are by themselves, God is ALWAYS with them, watching over them. No worries.  It is a good reminder to the us as well, because where do you think their deep thinking brain came from?  

Ponderings ~Karen

What am I cooking?
Tacos 

What am I reading? 

De-cluttering books - Serious nesting mode coming on

Really, the clutter is out of control, and I want to lead a simpler life with LESS STUFF.

What am I praying today?
My friend who just found out her cancer is back.  It is devastating news.  She is a homeschooling mom of 2 children. I am clinging to the hope that God has given me.  While I am not sure of the outcome, I have a sense of tremendous hope for her.  Please pray for her, her family and a miracle healing.  I know God can.  

What can my children do instead of watching TV?
Clean up their toys.  I am overwhelmed by the thought of more toys coming in at Christmas.

What is one product that has made my life a little easier?
Our "new" used Apple computer.  It is soooo much faster than that dinosaur.  My day is usually a string of frustrating events, I am very glad this is no longer one. The question is, will I finally get a hold of my e-mail?

What am I grateful for?
For a Christmas at home while my children are still young, and we are all together.  Someday they will grow up, marry and move away.  But now, we are all together. :-)

What have I done for my marriage lately?
Told my hairdresser my husband is handsome, and then told my husband about it.

What's challenging me lately?
Dealing with my friends illness mentioned above.  My faith is fine, I am just so upset by it. I just could not imagine a mom's night out with out her.  My heart aches for her husband and children.  I remember when my little 5 year asked me if her Daddy was going to die.  It was terrible to see the grief and worry in her eyes, I can only imagine what her children are going through and she has to see that.  

Second, I am completely overwhelmed by stuff.  I don't want to have a lot of stuff, I love to organize, but I have more than I can possibly do. It is very disheartening.  It creates such chaos, and I just don't seem to have anywhere enough time to do what I need to do - not perfectionism, just needs.  My extended family goes nuts on Christmas, and I really don't know where I going to put it.  I have at least 30 file boxes, 6 large totes, and 8 plastic bins full of toys and that is just the STORAGE.  We have a huge playroom and they have toys in their rooms as well.  I should mention, I just donate a tons of boxes to purple heart.  While I am thankful for the blessings, I want a simpler life.  My disorganization has gotten really bad, I almost missed our co-op registration and paying a bill.  There needs to be some extreme changes, so I can meet the priorities God has for me - raising children.

How were you a mission minded family this week?
G has gotten into the Narnia books, and Ed likes to discuss with her the symbolism, as well as why C.S. Lewis wrote the books.  

The Westminster Shorter Catechism to be sinking in, I just heard Z(6) ask his brother(4) some yesterday, and then correct him on his answers. So, let that be an encouragement for a family devotion/Bible time.  Ed tries to do it at dinner, sometimes we miss.  Sometimes it seems the kids are tuned out, but really they are not.  They ARE absorbing the lessons.