Good and Bad Kids

Most people think that kids are either good or bad, but I don't think there is such a thing.  Of course, there are well behaved children and those that misbehave more often.  People are not "good" or "bad."  We are all creatures who, at times, choose right and wrong.  We all have faults.  It is unfortunate that most people overlook that children misbehave for some basic reasons- some to do with their environment, and some with who they are as a person.

The children that people often label as "good" have the personality type that loves control.  This need for their world to be in control is why they LOVE rules, sometimes to the point of compulsion.  They love to follow them and get mad when others do not.  These types often push themselves to get good grades and desire to show themselves to others as being polite.  So they appear "good," but it really does not denote any sort of character or goodness of heart.  Good behavior can be present in a sinful heart.

Then there are the "bad" kids.  They are not concerned with impressing others or getting the top score.  They are way too relaxed and fun loving to think about such things.  Therefore, they forget to say "please" and "thank you" because they are not looking for adoration in adults eyes or to beat out the kid next to them in the "goodness" contest.  While other kids may be driven or task oriented, these kids are not.  Since this is the case, they are the kids dropping their pencils 7 times while doing their school work or who get messy and spread their mess without a thought.  Rules are not as important to them.  Just as above, this does not necessary show they have any worse character than a "good" child.  They can have a good heart, but just lack training and disciple, which is something that comes more naturally to "good" kids.

Not looking under the surface of a child can lead to great problems in their future.  The "good" kids forget that it is the WHY you are good that is important and without good character they could follow unGodly rules.  The "bad" kids have been made to feel that they are bad.  They believe bad is all they are capable of.  With out character and discipline their talents will be wasted and the Kingdom will miss their contribution.

We all have our "hooks" or parts of ourselves that make us consistently pick that wrong choice.  All children need training in character and a God centered, Gospel filled lifestyle.  Apart from God, we cannot achieve purity, which is true "goodness."  Step one is always to know you need God's help, a step that is very easy for a "good" child to overlook and for a "bad" child to feel unworthy of.  Character training involves those day to day teachable moments, as well as sitting down to study the definition, spiritual meaning and application of a the trait itself.  That is why Deuteronomy states it is going to take the morning, the evening and every hour in-between!  This responsibility is not a weight or pressure, but is a guilt free, simpler approach to children that is more effective.

The 'What If' Child

We have a child that is a deep thinker.  He is always asking a 'what if' question.  In the photo above, he asking himself what is really going to happen when he fights Darth Vader, will my parents find me in this crowd when I am done, will I use a real light saber  . . . .   Really, all kids get the worries from time to time and want to know 'what if.'  For a deep thinker, the world can be a never ending place of fear.  They think too much for their own good.  Their heighten awareness spawn one scenario after another.  Our children should know that worries and fears are normal, that everyone has them, and we need to show them what we do with worries.

Our children's 'what ifs' are a great chance to make clear to them basic Biblical wisdom.  It is easy to forget when our minds start spinning.  I tell my child, simply and bluntly that,

• "You can handle anything that happens to you WITH GOD."  
• "Life will keep you busy enough with real things that happen to you, don't waste your time with 'what ifs'."
• "Don't keep 'what if'ing your self because they never end.  They will just go on and on."
• "What ever happens, you will just deal with it.  God has a plan, there is no need to worry.  He won't give you anymore then you can handle WITH Him."
• "You need to deal with what is happening right now, at this moment."  
• "No matter what happens, stay calm and pray to God for wisdom.  He will show you what to do."

Another exercise that is good to do is to ask them, "What are you afraid of happening?"  Or, "What is the worse that could happen?"  For example, if the child says they are afraid of the house catching on fire, you would help them see that they would leave the house and the fire department would come and put the fire out.  This exercise may be too hard for a child who lacks the ability to reason, meaning a child on the spectrum or with delays.  The point of the exercise is to show, what ever happens, you will just deal with the situation.  

Death may come up in your 'what if' conversation, but you need to deal with it honestly, while only giving them simple information that they need to know.  It is best to be calm, steady and sure of yourself in your delivery.  If you don't believe it completely, your children will see that, and they won't believe either.  As Christians, we have no fear of death.  If your child is persistent, but not yet mature enough, I tell them they will learn more as they get older, but now is not the time.  They need to grow more.  

Having an environment where your child can come and talk to you about what is on their heart plays a major role in providing that teachable moment.  If we have our child's heart, if they feel loved and safe with us, they will let us into their most personal thoughts.  Our children need us to talk to.  They need to be reassured by us.  During these talks with my children, I always remind them that it is our (their mother and father's) job to take care of them and help them though any events that might happen.  Even when they are by themselves, God is ALWAYS with them, watching over them. No worries.  It is a good reminder to the us as well, because where do you think their deep thinking brain came from?  

Simplifying Life at Home

It is the stuff again, overflowing from every vantage point. There are mountains of work every where - dirty laundry, dishes to be washed, toys to put away, books to find a home for, it could go on and on. The kids, even my husband, have not been cleaning up after themselves, which means I end up dealing with their messes, and I can't get to the heavy load already on my plate. While I may feel like flipping out at my husband and pointing my finger at my children, it really all starts with me. Mom sets the mood and tone for the household. If I want self sufficient cleaner uppers I need to lead by example.

The problem is that trap I mentioned above. After all, how can you clean up or do your chores when the family is making dirty faster than clean. It is not possible, especially if you work outside the home or homeschool. No matter how hard one tidy person works, they cannot make up for four people who do not pick up after themselves. My friend once put her husbands dirty socks in his coffee maker to teach him a lesson, that was brilliant, but I wonder if it only worked for a while. Trust me, I have try all sort so ways - hard as nails, crying, bagging, threatening, and bribing. You can lower your standards, but eventually, if you lower them too much you have ran out of clean dishes, clean clothes and the floor is covered in "stuff."

We are about to start our homeschooling year tomorrow, and this issue of the "mess" and "stuff" was weighing heavily upon my spirit. For the past month I have been asking God for wisdom of how to solve this problem and to show me what we needed to change. Then the Lord used another family's similar struggle to answer my prayer.

It was a blog post on Building Cathedrals titled "Less is More." Basically, you take everything out you can and box it up, donate it or put in the trash. Everyone will find it much easy to pick up after themselves. Then, as you master that level, you can bring some things back up from the basement. Follow the link and read the whole post, it sounds extreme, but I think it will make your household much easier to run. It follows a very basic, biblical principle of stewardship (Parable of the Talents). Focus on one thing, master it and then and only then, move on while reviewing what you mastered. It is so simple, so basic, now we must need to do it.

The photo at the top is a big mess my son made while I was schooling my daughter, below is my repentant son after he cleaned it all up.

Our Children Are a Gift from God

While we set out to build character in our children, it is our character that is also built in the process. In fact, I wonder if we learn more about God from raising our children, than our children learn about God from us. Though, the discipleship of the children by the parents may range from non-existent to very active, even when the discipleship is on the heavy end, I bet the parents still end up gleaning more.

This leads to the fact that there is no accidental child in the sense God gave us each child to build certain character traits in us. Whatever that child's sinful bent is that we need to deal with day after day after day, it was meant for us. It was meant to teach us a lesson, so we need to look for what God is trying to teach us through our trials with our children. With so much to do, it is easy to get caught up in discipleship and disciplining, that we forget to notice what we are suppose to be learning as well.

Personally, this helps me see my daily struggles with my children in a positive light. I am growing closer to God. Along with my children's fruit, I will be harvesting my own.

The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood - Chapter 1

Hi Ladies,

John Piper's goal in the first chapter is to clarify the ultimate meaning of true womanhood, and to motivate us to embrace it as our highest calling.

What shapes you?

We are constantly bombarded by various messages on womanhood each day.  Who or what shapes you, your values, and the way you understand the world?  What voices do you listen to?  TV?  The internet?  Magazines?  Friends and family?  Are you, like Eve, being seduced by lies?  Are you being led astray from what is good and wise?  Or do you look to God for truth and bend your ear toward His voice of Wisdom?  Do you believe that He is full of grace and truth and that His ways are truly best even when they don't make sense to us?  Are you God-centered or self-centered?

The most important thing about a person is what they believe about God.  We should look to God's truth to shape our beliefs and values.  We should not do the opposite and look to our culture to shape our view of God!  As John Piper says in the first chapter, "Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.  Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in a way that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ."  (p. 21)


Ultimate Purpose
When God created the universe and everything in it, His design was intentional, deliberate, purposeful, and beautiful.  Everything was made according to His plan, His idea, and His purposes.  Masculinity and femininity were not created as an afterthought.  They were created to teach us more about God.

Consider how marriage portrays a beautiful picture of Christ's sacrificial love:
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her... that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Again, we get a glimpse of Christ's relationship to the church, His bride.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:31)

Piper says that marriage is "meant to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church... Marriage will display, as in a mirror dimly, something of the glory of the sacrificial love of Christ for His bride and the lavish reverence and admiration of the bride for her husband.

Intentional Design

Piper concludes that God made us male and female to more fully display the glory of Jesus.  If we were just genderless people, there would be aspects of Christ's nature that would not be known.  The very reason why males and females exist, why we're given in marriage at all, is because it points to something much bigger than gender and marital status.  If you thought your marriage was about you and your husband, it's not.  It actually points to Christ, the cross, and His relationship to the church!   Piper doesn't believe that God simply looked around and decided that marriage would be a good analogy to describe Jesus' relationship to the church.  It was all preplanned from the beginning of time.

Finding Fulfillment

If God was so intentional about manhood and womanhood, and if He uses it to describe something about Jesus, it's definitely a very important topic.  As we go through the rest of the series, I believe we will be most satisfied and most fulfilled in our roles as women when we trust the One who designed us this way.

Is your theology wimpy or do you believe He is all knowing, completely wise, and thoroughly intentional about the way He created us?  Believing the truth about God and who He is will help you see the beauty in His plan for you as a woman.

My next post will be on Chapter 2: From Him, through Him, to Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Love,
Catherine

Voices of the True Woman Movement - Intro

Hi Ladies,

God has placed a powerful vision on my heart for myself and other women.  To sum it up I desperately want to be a godly wife and mother and to spread the message of God's true design for us as women.  I consider it such a precious gift that He has revealed the true worth and value of womanhood and motherhood to me, for I did not always feel this way.  There was a time when I embraced the world's view of these roles, yet God has graciously allowed me to see the emptiness of the path centered on Self.  I have a desire to connect with like-minded women and a burden for those who are still trying to navigate through life the world's way.  I pray my next series of posts will encourage us to see the beauty in God's design for women.

I've wanted to blog about this subject for some time now, but I felt unqualified because I'm still learning and growing in these areas myself!  That is why I am so thankful for the wonderful folks at Revive Our Hearts.  They sent me a free copy of Nancy Leigh DeMoss' new release - Voices of the True Woman Movement: A Call to the Counter-Revolution.  The book is a collection of Christ-centered messages from the first True Woman Conference by John Piper, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Mary Kassian, Janet Parshall, Joni Eareckson Tada, Karen Lorritts, and Fern Nichols.  I'm so thankful to have a resource full of wisdom from these wonderful people!  I have agreed to blog about each of the nine chapters in the book.

Here is a sneak peak of the topics I'll be discussing on my blog, but I'll be reposting them here too:

PART ONE

Foundations of True Womanhood
Chapter 1: The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood - John Piper
Chapter 2: From Him, through Him, to Him - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

PART TWO

The Battle for True Womanhood
Chapter 3: You've Come a Long Way, Baby! - Mary A. Kassian
Chapter 4: For Such a Time as This - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

PART THREE

The Refining of True Womanhood
Chapter 5: A Woman after God's Own Heart - Janet Parshall
Chapter 6: Choosing Faith in Seasons of Change - Karen Loritts
Chapter 7: God's Jewels - Joni Eareckson Tada

PART FOUR

Reclaiming True Womanhood
Chapter 8: Leaving a Lasting Legacy through Prayer - Fern Nichols
Chapter 9: A Call to the Counter-Revolution - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I hope you'll join me for this series and share your thoughts and comments! :)

Love,
Catherine

A Working Definition: Self Control and Sensitivity

Working definitions are very helpful in training children how those biblical character traits play out in their daily lives. You can tell your child to use self-control until you are blue in the face, but unless they truly understand and reminded of the meaning a 100 times, they won't really know what you are asking of them.

Here are some working definitions for sensitivity and self-control I read in a parenting newsletter about how to handle it when children are annoying from National Center for Biblical Counseling :

Self-control is the ability to control myself so that Mom and Dad don't have to.

Self-control means to think before I act.

Self-control is the ability to talk about problems instead of grabbing, pushing, or hitting.

Self-control means that I limit the noises I make when others are around.

Self-control means that I focus on one thing until it gets done, before I move to the next.

Sensitivity means that when I walk into a room I look and listen before I speak.

Sensitivity is thinking about how my actions are affecting other people.

Sensitivity means thinking about how I could help someone else.

Character Building: By Doing or By Teaching

Do we build character in our children by doing or by teaching?

It is really not one or the other, but a combination of them both. Like faith and works, you cannot have one without the other. You could set the greatest example in the world, but if you do not teach your children they will not have the knowledge. On the other hand, actions must back up your words. Just as great writers learn to write well by reading great authors, a child will learn to act righteous through his parents righteousness.

I have heard that teaching your children character traits from a Biblical perspective can be really helpful in fashioning Godly character. What I mean by teaching is that you define what the character trait actually means and how to practically live that trait out. So many times we use words that we not be able to give a good definition of or know how to apply it to our lives. Also, it is helpful to study what the Bible says about that trait by reading and memorizing the Scriptures.

What do you think? Is it by teaching or doing or both?

Half a Poison Pill

It's hard to blog when I can barely peel my face off my pillow and roll my fatigued preggo body off the couch. In fact, it's hard to do much of anything practical or functional. Little mountains have begun to pop up all over the house. Mountains of laundry, toys, dishes, and tumbleweeds of golden dog hair. Thankfully, I have a husband who has done a great job of playing Mr. Dad and Mr. Mom while I've been slightly out of commission so things aren't nearly as bad as they could be.

I haven't been desperate for a nap for three days now and I'm hoping it's a lasting trend. I am still pretty zonked by 8pm though and I'm perfecting the art of being an evening couch potato. I hate every minute of it.

I've been too tired to read the mountain of books I'd like to read, so I've been defaulting to watching TV the past two nights. This is a pretty unusual thing in our home because we never turn it on in the evenings. I mean really, seriously never. (Ok, except for the seasons when LOST is on. Then it's on one hour per week! By the way, are you so psyched about the upcoming last season!? Are they going to answer all of my questions???? What is the smoke monster? And what else are we going to find out about Locke? Ahh!)

But anyway. To make my new couch potato status totally and completely worse, the cable company decided to bless curse us with free cable even though we don't want cable. It's all part of their evil scheme to get you sucked in to watching shows you don't normally watch. Then they take them all away with the hope that you will then upgrade your package. I keep telling Rachel, "Now hunny, the nice evil TV company is just letting us borrow Dora for a little while. You know what borrowing means right hunny?"

But truthfully, I don't think Mr. Dad is going to let this continue for much longer and I have to agree. Have you ever not eaten sweet foods for a period of time? And then when you taste something sweet again for the first time after a long time, it tastes insanely, sickeningly sweet? Well, our eyes and ears have been away from cable TV for a long time, and the reintroduction has left a bad taste in our mouths. And I'm just talking about the commercials on supposed "family" channels.

A few years ago I went to a conference and heard Joshua Harris speak on the topic of media and its influence. I remember being floored by what he had to say. It was so off my radar screen at the time. Confession: I was the girl who didn't go to the Christian Fellowship because Dawson's Creek was on at the same time. (I'm totally serious.)

Harris says, "The obvious problem for Christians is that much of modern media’s content ignores or even demeans Biblical truth. The less obvious problem for Christians is that our relationship to the media is not all that different than that of the unbelieving world. The mind set of many believers is “trying to figure out how much sinful content from media they can handle and still be okay.” He likens that attitude to taking half a poison pill. “When it comes to what we watch or read or listen to, we shouldn’t ask how many halves of poison pills we can take without dying. We need to examine the cumulative effect of our media habits on our attitude toward God and sin and the world.”

Harris then gives 3 questions based on 1 John 2:16 for examining the effects of media in our lives:

1. Cravings of man – Are my media habits encouraging me to want my own way?

2. Lust of the eyes – Are my media habits stirring up covetousness in me?

3. Pride of life – Are my media habits encouraging me to exalt myself and value such worldly things as social status, athletic achievement, fame or wealth?

This is so worth thinking about if you're a Christian. Even though what I watched last night falls into the innocent category (a National Geographic show on wild dogs - ha!), I could so easily slip right back into bad media habits and making a poor use of my time.

So hun, you were right. I resisted for two days, but I think it's time to call the cable company. :)

What to Do When Your Child Hates Doing School

Some of our children are driven and/or people pleasers, so they do their school work with joy and efficiency for the most part. Then there is the bouncy ones, the ones that just want to have fun. They love school when it is easy and there is no work involved. It is frustrating when they are goofy and answer silly when they know the answer quite well. Like when you ask them, "What letter is this?" And they point to the letter M and answer, "Bus." It is disheartening when their sibling or another child you know is excelling, while you are wondering if homeschooling is going to work with this kid. You know the bouncy one would never behave like this for anyone else but you. Should you sent him/her to the school up the street?

Not necessarily. While homeschooling is a personal decision for each family and child, sending a "problem" child to school is not always the answer. Putting the child in school would be easier for you, and the child might even like it, but it does NOT get rid of the problem - it just hides it a whole lot better. The heart issue is still there in your child, the laziness and disobedience are still apart of his/her character. What you need to do is work on the character traits that need to be taught and trained, which you have discovered through homeschooling. Also, think of the reasons why you homeschool. Do they apply to this child? If your child has a fit when asked to do their chores, you would not hire a maid for them, right?

So what do you do? Losing your mind is not a good choice, and you want to be sure your child is receiving a good education. Here is a list of problem causers:

• Are they hungry? Protein is a must for a child to be able to control their emotions, as well as for them to think. Taking the trouble to provide a good breakfast before school will help. Maybe it is something else they are eating. Think about when the bad behavior happens and what food they had eaten before. Some children are very sensitive to red or yellow die.
• Are you schooling at their best time? I use to school Mr. Z at 10 or 11AM, after I got Ms. G on her way. Now I start with Z while G does seat work and reading.
  
• Is it too hard? Maybe you are trying to have them do something that they are not developmental ready for. Slow down, it is not a race. Better to have adult that loves to learn than one who is pencil and book resistant.
• Do they need a break? They may do better if you take brakes during schooling. Maybe their brain has been overloaded and their behavior is a cry for help. I have found 15 minutes at a time with my bouncy Kindergartner to be the best.
• Would a different curriculum work better? One of mind really hated math. We tried different ideas, but nothing worked. Then I switch to a different curriculum, and now math is a favorite subject. That is why there is not one curriculum that is best for every child.
• Are you doing too much? Maybe school is too long.
• Did they go to bed on time? If they do not get enough sleep, it will be hard for them to think and keep their behavior in check.
  

If you have addressed all those issues, and those aren't the problems, here are some ways to cope and train your child to love school, or at least do their work obediently:

• If it is not physical, it may be spiritual. Pray for your child, especially for the character traits of God pleasing work(their best done for God) and obeying their parents. God can change their heart. While you are at it, pray for the character traits you will need to teach your child, such as patience and peaceful spirit.
• Training involves consistent discipline. We use a behavior chart, which I will have to post fully about another time. There should be a consequence for not behaving and not doing their school work. Watching TV or playing a computer game is a privilege, not an entitlement. They will learn soon enough, that if they want the good stuff, they need to do as they are told. Of course, they will needed to be reminded of that next month all over again, but they will get it.
• Have a heart to heart with them and share a scripture with a SHORT explanation. Keep it short, sweet and to the point or they will turn off their ears. Remember this step because otherwise you can change their behavior, but NOT their heart!
  
• Praise good work. Praise them for their good work in front of others too. This year we will have a party at the end of the year where family members will get to see their work on display.
  
• Find ways to add fun to school. Maybe it is candy bingo, which is using their school bingo games with candy as a marker. It depends what your child likes - to be read to, puzzles, Legos, games. Use those things to teach them.
• If they hate workbooks, do hands on. If they hate the crafts, do not do them. Find something else creative instead. My bouncy son actually loves worksheets, so I make sure there is always at least 1 "pencil work" item to do.
• Put the part they love after the part they hate. It makes them motivated to get it over with. It also teaches them, "Work before pleasure."
• Buy a exercise ball for the bouncy one to sit on, it may help them listen better.
• Put them in an outside activity that will teach them discipline and hard work, like a sport or club such as 4H, Keepers of the Faith, Alert, or boy/girl scouts. This should be something they like doing after trying it out for a while.
• Have lots of books around, - wonderful, quality children's books. Make a book nook to cozy up in. Display some books by their front covers. Put some books in a basket on the floor. Get books out at the library about your child's current interest. If you can give them a love for books, a love for learning, they will teach themselves for the rest of their lives. If they miss something in their education, they will be able to learn the answer on their own.
• Remember the reasons why you homeschool. Write them out, reading them on a hard day will encourage and strengthen you that you may the right choice.
  
• Put on your armor (armor of God) because this is going to be a recurring battle. You do not learn to obey God the first time, your children are no different. Follow the link for a refresher. Your children are a blessing, but they test your patience too. Be ready, as you should always be.
  
• Look at this as an opportunity for God to build patience into your character. And we thought we were weaving character into the tapestry of our children's lives, while all the time, God has been using our children to weave His character into us.
  

Please add more to my list through the comments. All of us will go through a day when our child does not want to do school, so being armed and ready would be helpful.

While sometimes your child takes you for a ride, it is all that more rewarding when you see the child learning and enjoying school. Children are a blessing.

The Invisible Woman

A friend emailed this video to me this morning. It's a very encouraging 6 minutes for Moms. :)

Here is a quote from the video that resonated with me -

"At times my invisibility has felt like an affliction to me. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life; it is the cure for the disease of self-centerdness. It is the antidote to my own pride. It's ok that they don't see. It's ok that they don't know."

Top 10 Character Tips

Here is an excellent article from the November ENOCH newsletter. I would personally like to thank Chris Klicka and his family for all their work in supporting homeschooling. During his life Chris has written some excellent books on homeschooling. He went home to be with the Lord in October. If you follow the link above, there is a short paragraph on Chris before this article. Make an investment of your time in reading the following article. Not only is it very well written, it has very practical tips on building character in your kids, and my favorite - books suggestions!

I would also like to add it to my list of reasons to homeschool - I would have never read this article in a homeschooling newsletter, nor would I even know who the author was or read his books.

TOP 10 CHARACTER TIPS

By Chris Klicka

During the presidency of Bill Clinton, a slogan was oft repeated: "character counts." Deep down we all know that one's character is not simply a "personal thing" but it affects his whole being and affects his work and every area of his life.

The importance of character training in our children is paramount. As parents, we cannot shirk our duty before God, for it states in Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Our children need to be taught to develop a Christian relationship with Jesus Christ. Simultaneously, we need to teach them to love God with all their heart, all their soul, and all their mind, because this is the greatest and foremost commandment. I John says that if we love God, we keep his commandments.

There is no doubt that character training is a vital aspect of our home schooling. The Bible teaches us in Proverbs 22:15 that, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child." In the book of Romans, it's made crystal clear that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Therefore, it is necessary to train our children diligently. This requires discipline and much repetition to instill in our children a proper godly character which will benefit them and those around them for their whole lives.

As a father of seven children, presently from the ages of 4 to 14, I've seen how essential strong character training is for our children's lives and for those around them. Here are ten practical tips that I have compiled that may help you build good character in your children.

1. Read and Teach the Bible

The laws of our country and the true moral laws throughout the world have their origin in the Word of God. By the Word of God we can learn the difference between right and wrong. Training our children to read and love the Word of God will be the single strongest ingredient to building good character.

In our family I have found that following and obeying Deuteronomy 6 is the best and most successful way to teach my children the Bible and good character. This passage states that we are to teach God's commandments and principles to our children all the time so that in verse 2, "they might fear the Lord" and keep his commandments. In verse 6 it states that these commandments must be "in our heart" and furthermore, we must "teach them diligently" to our children virtually all the time. The passage explains that we need to teach these principles to our children when we "sit in our house and when we walk by the way and when we lie down and when we rise up." We must also tie them to our foreheads and our wrists and write them on the doorposts of our house.

When I rise up, I spend time teaching each of my children individually the Word of God. Before I lie down, I have family devotions, where we corporately worship God and I train my children in his principles which are intricately involved in forming their permanent character and transforming their heart. As my wife and I go through each day, we train our children all along the way through homeschooling. On a regular basis I bring different children to work where I have opportunity to instill the Word of God to build their character as we commute and spend time together at the office. Also, we involve our children in the different tasks and errands that we run so we have more time to teach them when we "walk by the way."

We literally post the Word of God on our doorposts. On each entrance to each room is a small card with a calligraphy Bible verse so that the Word of God is before our children at all times. They see us not only teach them but live the Word and tell others about the Word as we carry it around with us in the form of Bibles and tracts in our pockets and purses.

Scripture says the Word will not return void. As you saturate your children with the Word of God, God will have his purpose done through the application and teaching of his Word. Scripture also says that He gives the increase. Our task is to plant and water, but ultimately, He is the guarantor of the results - we're just called to be faithful.

2. Create a "Chore Chart"

Another excellent way to build character is to create a "chore chart." We create a graph with each of our seven children's names and then a list of various chores for each day of the week. From age 4 to 14, they all have to participate in the tasks of keeping the household. This helps them develop a sense of responsibility and a habit for doing these tasks. As this habit forms, this will serve them lifelong.

It is amazing how small children who are only five or six years old can empty dishwashers, sweep floors, wipe off tables, clean their rooms, make their beds, clean up the playroom, and do various tasks throughout the day for their mom. We sometimes do not realize how capable our children are and we tend to want to do everything for them because we can do it faster and better. We need to put aside those thoughts and focus on the character that is forming early with our children and help them to be responsible at an early age. As the Scriptures say, as we're faithful in little things, God will give us greater responsibility. We need to slowly increase the responsibility with our children so that they're ever growing in their ability and desire to do good deeds.

3. Unplug the Television

If you truly want to instill good character in your children, turn off your television. In our modern times, the television has steadily slid into immorality and stupidity. A large portion of what we watch on television is a waste of time at best and damaging to our character and souls at worst. Unmonitored television is a character destroyer.

Ten years ago we unplugged the cable television and have never regretted it since. The amount of family time, spiritual growth, strong character and serving one another has increased and grown in a multitude of ways since we've shut off the television.

The only way that the television media can be used to build character is through careful selection by the parents of various videos and movies that have a clear lesson and that protect our children's minds and hearts from the worldliness in our culture. We can place at the feet of television much of the destruction of the moral fabric of our nation.

4. Teach Lessons from Hardships

Have your children observe and be aware of the difficulties and hardships that you and others around you face so that they will realize that this is part of life. It is terrible to see a child who has been shielded from all the hurts and suffering and persecution in the world to then personally face such problems as an adult and have his faith shattered. As my wife struggles with the incurable disease of ulcerative colitis and I with multiple sclerosis, we make sure our children understand that we still have joy. We explain that God gives and takes away and that we need to accept both good and ill from his hand, knowing that all things work together for good for those who love him and who are called according to his purpose. We emphasize an eternal perspective in our home so that our children realize that this earth is just a temporary place where they need to fulfill the mission that God has given them for their lives, but they can't be too attached to it. As our children form this eternal perspective, they can be honest, gentle, kind, faithful, have self control, and many of the fruits of the Spirit, regardless of the circumstances they find themselves in.
We also spend regular time explaining the suffering that the persecuted church is going through around the world so the children will realize that Christians do face many tribulations as the Scriptures say, but that God is with them and will comfort them, and will ultimately deliver them - if not in this world, then in Heaven for eternity where there will be no more tears and no more sorrows. I recommend Voice of the Martyrs newsletters (Bartlesville, Oklahoma, (918) 337-8015, http://www.persecution.com) as on of the best sources of information on the persecuted church. The ministry was established in 1967.

5. Read Biographies

Read biographies of Christians to your children. We have found that a book called Courageous Christians: Devotional Stories for Family Reading, (Moody Press; Chicago, IL, 2000), which has over 70 short stories of strong Christians of the past and present, is a wonderful and powerful tool for giving examples to our children of those who overcame. As we study the men and women of the past and present we explain all the many character traits that made these people what they were and how God was with them every step of the way and empowered them through difficult circumstances and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. This "great cloud of witnesses" is an example to our children and gives them heroes and heroines to imitate as far as they in their lives imitated Jesus Christ.

6. Teach Proverbs

Another way to instill character in our children is to specifically teach the book of Proverbs. In Barbara Decker's book Proverbs for Parenting: A Topical Guide for Child Raising from the Book of Proverbs, the book of Proverbs is arranged according to subject matter. This is an excellent way to teach our children character traits of truthfulness, diligence, faithfulness, good business practice, service, love, courage, and virtually every important Godly character trait. If you are able to do nothing else on this list but teach your children Proverbs, you will build good character in their lives as they internalize these principles. Memorization and repetition is key in this process to burn these truths into our children's consciences so that if they grow up and turn away from God, the Word of God and Proverbs will be so ingrained in their hearts and minds that they'll turn back one day.

7. Mission Trips

Go with your children on a mission trip. There are many opportunities in our churches today for taking one to two week mission trips. This is an awesome way to have a hands-on experience in building character. It teaches our older children about the needs of the world. It helps them appreciate and be thankful for all the many blessings they have in the United States. These mission trips can be in the form of going to Mexico or some other poor country to minister in God's name in practical ways such as building, painting, cleaning, dispensing medicine, et cetera. Other mission trips can be your own family vacation where you take time to pass out tracts to those you meet and talk to them about the Lord. For your children to see your faith in action helps them to realize that your faith is real and the message of your teaching is real and practical.

We sent our daughter Bethany with some good friends from our church on a mission trip and she had her eyes opened with a new appreciation for the blessings that God has given her in her life. Most importantly, she has realized the incredible blessing of eternal life and she has developed a heart and desire to return to the mission field one day.

8. Bring Your Children to Work

As fathers, we have learned many of the important character traits to be good and faithful employees. Possibly we have started our own business. Either way, bringing our children to work is a tremendous opportunity to teach our children many character traits involved in being a faithful employee or good employer. Explaining to our children the many responsibilities in the workplace helps them to develop a vision for the future for themselves. It gives them purpose for the training that they're undergoing at the moment. They begin to realize the importance of math as they see its application in the field of engineering or carpentry or accounting. They begin to understand why their mom is so persistent in teaching them these concepts and this knowledge repeatedly. They have their eyes opened to what is necessary to provide for a family or for their own sustenance. They can develop a solid work ethic as they observe you and others in the workplace. Be sure to take time to point out what's around them so that your children can learn. When I take my children to the office they spend a certain amount of time doing their homeschooling but then I also explain to them what I'm doing and why and what others are doing around us.

Moms can bring the children to the store with her to help them understand and develop the character traits of frugality and wisdom to know what to buy and what to avoid. Moms can include their children in understanding what paying bills is all about and show them the need for filing and organizing. Children will develop a vision to be successful in this life.

9. Be Involved in Ministries

Assist neighbors and be involved with ministries. Youth have much time on their hands. They usually look for a good time. As a result, they don't redeem the time and waste much of it. An old adage says that "an idle mind is the devil's workplace." Keeping our children involved in serving and reaching out to others is an important way to keep them busy while building strong inner character traits.

Across the street we have a lady who has had deaths in her family and suffers from cancer. My children go over there periodically to minister to her and to bring her baked goods. A family needed help with painting and one of my daughters was able to assist in preparing the house for their move.

Having our children involved in Awana and Vacation Bible School to assist with the younger children has proven to be very valuable in teaching them to die to themselves and to give freely and without expectation of reward. No doubt you could think of a multitude of ministries and ways you can touch those within your reach. In the process, you'll be teaching your children how to truly love their neighbors.

10. One-on-On Training

Never forget the importance of individual one-on-one time in training your children and building up their character. You need to make sure you shepherd their hearts. Spend time asking them questions about how they feel about the tasks that are under their responsibility. Find out if they feel overwhelmed or bored. Discover their struggles and help them by applying the Word of God. Know your children so that you can determine if the character training is being internalized or is simply an external obedience. If it is simply external, as soon as they're out of the household the world will mold them and shape them into its image.

Homeschooling teaches what really matters. These character traits you instill in your children will be for their lifelong benefit and if they internalize them in the form of a relationship to Jesus Christ, where they want to glorify him in all that they say and do, this character training will carry into eternity so that they can be together with you in Heaven.