The 'What If' Child

We have a child that is a deep thinker.  He is always asking a 'what if' question.  In the photo above, he asking himself what is really going to happen when he fights Darth Vader, will my parents find me in this crowd when I am done, will I use a real light saber  . . . .   Really, all kids get the worries from time to time and want to know 'what if.'  For a deep thinker, the world can be a never ending place of fear.  They think too much for their own good.  Their heighten awareness spawn one scenario after another.  Our children should know that worries and fears are normal, that everyone has them, and we need to show them what we do with worries.

Our children's 'what ifs' are a great chance to make clear to them basic Biblical wisdom.  It is easy to forget when our minds start spinning.  I tell my child, simply and bluntly that,

• "You can handle anything that happens to you WITH GOD."  
• "Life will keep you busy enough with real things that happen to you, don't waste your time with 'what ifs'."
• "Don't keep 'what if'ing your self because they never end.  They will just go on and on."
• "What ever happens, you will just deal with it.  God has a plan, there is no need to worry.  He won't give you anymore then you can handle WITH Him."
• "You need to deal with what is happening right now, at this moment."  
• "No matter what happens, stay calm and pray to God for wisdom.  He will show you what to do."

Another exercise that is good to do is to ask them, "What are you afraid of happening?"  Or, "What is the worse that could happen?"  For example, if the child says they are afraid of the house catching on fire, you would help them see that they would leave the house and the fire department would come and put the fire out.  This exercise may be too hard for a child who lacks the ability to reason, meaning a child on the spectrum or with delays.  The point of the exercise is to show, what ever happens, you will just deal with the situation.  

Death may come up in your 'what if' conversation, but you need to deal with it honestly, while only giving them simple information that they need to know.  It is best to be calm, steady and sure of yourself in your delivery.  If you don't believe it completely, your children will see that, and they won't believe either.  As Christians, we have no fear of death.  If your child is persistent, but not yet mature enough, I tell them they will learn more as they get older, but now is not the time.  They need to grow more.  

Having an environment where your child can come and talk to you about what is on their heart plays a major role in providing that teachable moment.  If we have our child's heart, if they feel loved and safe with us, they will let us into their most personal thoughts.  Our children need us to talk to.  They need to be reassured by us.  During these talks with my children, I always remind them that it is our (their mother and father's) job to take care of them and help them though any events that might happen.  Even when they are by themselves, God is ALWAYS with them, watching over them. No worries.  It is a good reminder to the us as well, because where do you think their deep thinking brain came from?  

Our Children Are a Gift from God

While we set out to build character in our children, it is our character that is also built in the process. In fact, I wonder if we learn more about God from raising our children, than our children learn about God from us. Though, the discipleship of the children by the parents may range from non-existent to very active, even when the discipleship is on the heavy end, I bet the parents still end up gleaning more.

This leads to the fact that there is no accidental child in the sense God gave us each child to build certain character traits in us. Whatever that child's sinful bent is that we need to deal with day after day after day, it was meant for us. It was meant to teach us a lesson, so we need to look for what God is trying to teach us through our trials with our children. With so much to do, it is easy to get caught up in discipleship and disciplining, that we forget to notice what we are suppose to be learning as well.

Personally, this helps me see my daily struggles with my children in a positive light. I am growing closer to God. Along with my children's fruit, I will be harvesting my own.

Improvement Reading

Being a stay at home mom, books offer "a peace offering to a hungry mind." I need more than just laundry and wiping noses. Maybe that is why I like homeschooling, because I am using my brain and diving into great books with the kids. Not that there is anything wrong with wiping noises or washing clothes, I am happy to do it. What I am saying is that I personally need more then just those things.

The Well-Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer is a treasure trove for me. I actually found myself salivating over her book lists in the second part of her book. Looking forward to reading them, as well as, remembering those I have read. Sometimes we tell ourselves, that this is not our season for such things, but that is not really true. It is just like all the other things in our lives, we have to carve out the time to do it.

I have always struggled with the "nose wiper" job description, leaving my honors behind me. Would my professors be disappointed in me for choosing full time motherhood? It is not that I think it unimportant, but that I miss the intellectualism of a university and motherhood is not usually cast in that sort of light. I suppose that is why I found The Well-Educated Mind's theme of self-education so encouraging. Of course, always remembering that I serve God, not man, helps me to sustain my mom post too. In God's eye's, it is probably one of the best uses of my education and a good reason to continue it in self-study. My faith gives me liberty from the world's good opinion, and lets me focus on the parts of life that have eternal significance, like disciplining my children.

While my faith gives me great purpose in motherhood and homeschooling, I still have to fill that need for intellectualism. For one, finding like-minded moms has helped. In homeschooling circles, I do not have to look far to find another mom who is listening to A Tale of Two Cities while working around the house too. I can find the intellectualism I long for where I am now, if I look for it.

Besides all the "great" books that Bauer suggests, there is the greatest book of all times - the Bible. While wanting to read the works of Charles Dickens is great, studying my Bible must be a higher priority. If I have the yearning for well written works, then I need to seek out books that will increase my knowledge of God. There is such a desire to roll up my sleeves and deeply study His Word. I should remember to make time for it. It will not happen other wise.

Finding the Source of Burn Out

Lately, I have been feeling so burnt out. Perhaps it is being too busy, not having enough help, or unmet expectations. By removing certain possible stress sources, I could see if it made me feel better or worse. We took a week off of school, and that was not it. I took a brake from couponing, and had a week with fewer activities, but neither of those seemed to be the source.

I noticed that I felt better when I was out, but when I was home, I felt overwhelmed and stressed. From here I realized it was the messy build up in the house. There are piles and piles of items to go through, organize, and get rid of. While I am not a neat freak, bad messes bother me. Finding the cause of my burn out helps me figure out my priorities and helps me to focus on the issue.

Also, it helps to learn where I went wrong to get to this point. First, you need refreshment to keep from getting burnt out. Our summer was too busy and our vacation was not relaxing. Second, a homeschooling mother needs help, and I was too cheap to hire any during out summer brake. While I cannot do anything about the last vacation, we are planning our next vacation to be about relaxing and making memories. As far as help, I have decided to hire a sitter and part with my money. You can be too thrifty. What is the use of stockpiling money for our adoption if I have a nervous brake-down in the process. I feel hiring a sitter for 2 or 3 hours a week will give me time to tackle the out of control clutter. Having too much stuff is not apart of the simplistic lifestyle I want to live.

On the bright side, school is going well. Perhaps I will get around to posting about the changes I made this year that have really helped to make a productive and happy school day.

A New Baby

With every new baby, your life changes, and parenting takes on new form. This was my experience~

• Baby #1 ~ Shock or Baby Boot Camp as my husband called it. You are brand new at being a parent and applying all those things you read in books to actual life, is not quite as easy as you thought. If you left your job to stay home, your identity completely changes. You go from using your brain to feeding, wiping, rocking in a never ending cycle. Learning on the go is stressful, but being on the mommy team is wonderful. Your first transitions you to a mother.
• Baby #2 ~ Mastering the Art of Multi Tasking. Your have all the experience from number one, so it is less stressful. However, the second still bring a big change, and brings parenting to a whole other level, aka you lose the rest of your independence. There seems to be much less time, but twice the work. You learn to be more flexible and hover less. The second brings the sweet pleasure, and occasional pain, of sibling relationship.
• Baby #3 ~ Treasured. By now you realize how quickly babies grow up. Those middle of the night feedings turn into a precious times in quiet peace, just you and your baby. While sleep would be wonderful, the lack of sleep is not as traumatic as with your first or second. You feel sad that your 3rd does not get to do all the things your 1st had experienced, but they get to experience different things. The older siblings entertain the baby, so they do not need you to always play with them. If you weren't born organized, you learn now out of desperation. Then you will wonder why you did not do it sooner. If you are a born organized, ducks in a row person, your 3rd will throw you for a loop. However, you will recover with an added simplicity to your lifestyle, which is a good addition.
• Baby # 4 and more ~ ?????? Since I have not experienced that change the 4th child brings, I can't say. I do assume it changes the family dynamics. Also, I have a feeling I will get much better at training and expecting my children to share in the household work, as well as making them more independent. I will hover even less, and become even more simplified. There is so much I have learned about parenting, it will be nice to have a chance to use it.

Spacing is an important factor. If you have 2, less than 2 years apart, the demands could be very stressful. All of mine are 2 1/2 years apart, and it worked out well. My friend said having a space between your 3rd and 4th will help you from feeling overwhelmed. The most physically demanding time in parenting is when you only have young children. Then the younger ones grow up and can help when a new one comes along, or at the very least, take care of themselves ( i.e. dress themselves, pick out their clothes, etc.) If you do have many little ones in a row, remember it is only a season. It will change.

Also, anytime you have a traumatic event or trial, like losing a parent or serious illness, or even a traveling husband, postpartum problems or lack of sufficient help, it can make the new arrival very overwhelming. I have to say personally, my 3rd was born at a very dark time in my life. My husband had just had 2 strokes, and was in the very early stages of recovery. However, the baby's coming birth gave me hope when we had very little hope for my husband's health. I made it a conscious effort to bond with him, and it worked. Even still, we both have a very strong bond. He became my little light of joy during a very sad and stressful time. He was just what I needed and God knew that.

What changes did each baby bring for you? The changes are different for everyone. Did they fit with my descriptions or where they different? Do you want to add another, but worried how it will change things?

The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood - Chapter 1

Hi Ladies,

John Piper's goal in the first chapter is to clarify the ultimate meaning of true womanhood, and to motivate us to embrace it as our highest calling.

What shapes you?

We are constantly bombarded by various messages on womanhood each day.  Who or what shapes you, your values, and the way you understand the world?  What voices do you listen to?  TV?  The internet?  Magazines?  Friends and family?  Are you, like Eve, being seduced by lies?  Are you being led astray from what is good and wise?  Or do you look to God for truth and bend your ear toward His voice of Wisdom?  Do you believe that He is full of grace and truth and that His ways are truly best even when they don't make sense to us?  Are you God-centered or self-centered?

The most important thing about a person is what they believe about God.  We should look to God's truth to shape our beliefs and values.  We should not do the opposite and look to our culture to shape our view of God!  As John Piper says in the first chapter, "Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.  Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in a way that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ."  (p. 21)


Ultimate Purpose
When God created the universe and everything in it, His design was intentional, deliberate, purposeful, and beautiful.  Everything was made according to His plan, His idea, and His purposes.  Masculinity and femininity were not created as an afterthought.  They were created to teach us more about God.

Consider how marriage portrays a beautiful picture of Christ's sacrificial love:
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her... that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Again, we get a glimpse of Christ's relationship to the church, His bride.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:31)

Piper says that marriage is "meant to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church... Marriage will display, as in a mirror dimly, something of the glory of the sacrificial love of Christ for His bride and the lavish reverence and admiration of the bride for her husband.

Intentional Design

Piper concludes that God made us male and female to more fully display the glory of Jesus.  If we were just genderless people, there would be aspects of Christ's nature that would not be known.  The very reason why males and females exist, why we're given in marriage at all, is because it points to something much bigger than gender and marital status.  If you thought your marriage was about you and your husband, it's not.  It actually points to Christ, the cross, and His relationship to the church!   Piper doesn't believe that God simply looked around and decided that marriage would be a good analogy to describe Jesus' relationship to the church.  It was all preplanned from the beginning of time.

Finding Fulfillment

If God was so intentional about manhood and womanhood, and if He uses it to describe something about Jesus, it's definitely a very important topic.  As we go through the rest of the series, I believe we will be most satisfied and most fulfilled in our roles as women when we trust the One who designed us this way.

Is your theology wimpy or do you believe He is all knowing, completely wise, and thoroughly intentional about the way He created us?  Believing the truth about God and who He is will help you see the beauty in His plan for you as a woman.

My next post will be on Chapter 2: From Him, through Him, to Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Love,
Catherine

Voices of the True Woman Movement - Intro

Hi Ladies,

God has placed a powerful vision on my heart for myself and other women.  To sum it up I desperately want to be a godly wife and mother and to spread the message of God's true design for us as women.  I consider it such a precious gift that He has revealed the true worth and value of womanhood and motherhood to me, for I did not always feel this way.  There was a time when I embraced the world's view of these roles, yet God has graciously allowed me to see the emptiness of the path centered on Self.  I have a desire to connect with like-minded women and a burden for those who are still trying to navigate through life the world's way.  I pray my next series of posts will encourage us to see the beauty in God's design for women.

I've wanted to blog about this subject for some time now, but I felt unqualified because I'm still learning and growing in these areas myself!  That is why I am so thankful for the wonderful folks at Revive Our Hearts.  They sent me a free copy of Nancy Leigh DeMoss' new release - Voices of the True Woman Movement: A Call to the Counter-Revolution.  The book is a collection of Christ-centered messages from the first True Woman Conference by John Piper, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Mary Kassian, Janet Parshall, Joni Eareckson Tada, Karen Lorritts, and Fern Nichols.  I'm so thankful to have a resource full of wisdom from these wonderful people!  I have agreed to blog about each of the nine chapters in the book.

Here is a sneak peak of the topics I'll be discussing on my blog, but I'll be reposting them here too:

PART ONE

Foundations of True Womanhood
Chapter 1: The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood - John Piper
Chapter 2: From Him, through Him, to Him - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

PART TWO

The Battle for True Womanhood
Chapter 3: You've Come a Long Way, Baby! - Mary A. Kassian
Chapter 4: For Such a Time as This - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

PART THREE

The Refining of True Womanhood
Chapter 5: A Woman after God's Own Heart - Janet Parshall
Chapter 6: Choosing Faith in Seasons of Change - Karen Loritts
Chapter 7: God's Jewels - Joni Eareckson Tada

PART FOUR

Reclaiming True Womanhood
Chapter 8: Leaving a Lasting Legacy through Prayer - Fern Nichols
Chapter 9: A Call to the Counter-Revolution - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I hope you'll join me for this series and share your thoughts and comments! :)

Love,
Catherine

Hard Days Night

Being a mother is hard work, but anything worth respect or honor is not easy. Otherwise what would be the admiration in it. Someone walks away from their marriage when it gets ruff, no one says, "Oh, I really admired them, they broke their promise and took the easy way out." The world may say, do what makes you happy. But the truth of it is even unbelievers admire character, and living out character is not easy. That is why Mother's Day is made so important because mothers do sacrifice and work so hard. So take joy in your toil mothers. Thank God we have a wonderful purpose to our lives, that we do hard work that will be evident for generations. Those little ones notice more than we think, and the Lord sees all.

Very thankful this Mother's day for all those piles of laundry of little clothes, for the little toes which stick under the bathroom door, for the moments that stretch me and make me grow in my faith. Truly, I feel grateful in my heart for the gift of life the Lord has given to me and the lives God has bestowed in my care. The true trials and losses we face may make life lose it brightness and shine, but at other times it makes the little, passover things shine out to us. Laundry and sleepless nights are not life and death issues. Living through my husband's stroke recovery may have been very hard, but though it the Lord gave me a beautiful gift of seeing my world in a different way.

I have not really realized until today, that I no longer grumble or resent my load of work in the way I once did - as a martyr. Overwhelmed, in need of help, yes, but not as a dramatic sacrifice, but a beautiful privilege. I enjoy the recognition on Mother's Day, but I do not feel anymore that I need it. God has given me the reward of joy.

Not only are children a gift, but the hard work is a gift as well. This is not meant to make life look like a Brandy Bunch episode, because life with children is real and reality is often not pretty. It is not taking hard out or denying it with a fake smile and a cloak of gentleness, it saying that the hard work is OK, in fact a joy, because we know it has great value in an eternal perspective. You only need to feel sorry for a mother of many children if she fails to see the joy in her work.

Tips for Homeschooling a Houseful

Here is a link to Tapestry of Grace author Marcia Somerville:

Tips for Homeschooling a Houseful

It is a hour long, so make yourself comfortable. Or you can pause it several times during the course of the day as I had to do. It is a very good workshop, and well worth your time. Confessions of a Homeschooling Mom had the link on her blog.

The Invisible Woman

A friend emailed this video to me this morning. It's a very encouraging 6 minutes for Moms. :)

Here is a quote from the video that resonated with me -

"At times my invisibility has felt like an affliction to me. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life; it is the cure for the disease of self-centerdness. It is the antidote to my own pride. It's ok that they don't see. It's ok that they don't know."

Biblical Womanhood

In a world that desperately tries to diminish and mock biblical womanhood, it is so refreshing to find ministries that encourage those of us who embrace God's picture of femininity. My absolute heroine of all time is the Proverbs 31 woman. I run to this passage of Scripture often to remind myself of the character and values that are beautiful in God's sight. The glimpse I gain into her life helps me to prioritize, set goals, and rid myself of the distractions that can so easily creep in (currently working on this one!).

True Woman, a ministry of Revive Our Hearts, has an encouraging blog and a 30-day makeover. You can read and sign the beautifully written True Woman Manifesto and receive emails with biblical teaching, encouragement, resources, and links. I signed up a few days ago. I'm woman number 10,492! I haven't gotten any emails yet though, so I may need to sign up again...? I wonder if that will also make me woman number 10,493. :)

Girltalk is another blog with a wealth of resources and information to encourage us. They've been doing a wonderful series on hospitality that has challenged me to reflect on how I can serve others with grace to reflect Christ. This is not an area that comes easily or naturally to me. I used to hesitate to have others over because I was too consumed with myself, how clean my home was, and how convenient it was for me. Do you hear that? Me, me me. But the more I look at Jesus, the more He places hospitality toward others as a priority on my heart. I'm excited to see the bits of growth that He's done in this area of my life.

Do you have any other resource recommendations that encourage biblical womanhood? Books, links, blogs? I'd love to check them out.

If I faint not...

I'm weary today. Weary from battling heart issues like sharing, respect, and obeying all the way, right away, and with a happy heart. Phew! I usually write encouraging posts about struggles that I've gone through and how we've overcome them. Not today. :) We're still on the battle ground and the end is simply not in sight.

It's tempting to read yet another Christian parenting book, seek out another discipline method, or ask other Moms about the methods that work for them. That's what I would usually do, but I'm not even going to do that today. I know Who the source of wisdom is and I know that these struggles need to be laid at His feet daily (or in my case lately, minute by minute). I'm going to continually petition God for the hearts of my children and for wisdom and patience on my end as I guide them.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9)

I feel like fainting, but I won't. :) I know He'll get us through this season because He is faithful and good. And I know that He uses even these small trials to draw me closer to Him. So if fights over sippy cups, plastic orcas, and animal crackers are enough to bring me to my knees before the Lord and deepen my relationship with Him, the trial is suddenly a privilege.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (I Peter 1:6-9)

Tapestry of Faith

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

- NKJ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

For whatever trials come our way as mothers, God has a master plan of how those threads are going to be woven into our family tapestry. It is easy to lose heart, as it seems all we are accomplishing is going back and forth, as a shuttle on a loom. We run around all day, but what do we have to show for it. This can be hard to see. After all, the picture of a tapestry does not become clear until it reaches its completion.


When our children are young, they are no where near completion, but are just starting out. It is hard to see how those individual threads will turn out, what they will look like when combined with all the others. We are working very hard to build Godly character in our children, but are not yet able to taste the sweet fruit of our labor. Slowly, eventually, we will see buds start to blossom, and we will see the beginning of the fruit they will bear.

God is the master weaver, we are only the shuttle. As God's instrument, we must receive His instruction and the His threads - every little thread, every little deed matters. Our children are watching us, our actions weave their character. It may seem like we are only running back and forth all day, but time passes quickly. Our children's tapestry is being fashioned. So take care of what threads you are weaving today. Abide in God's Word (Holy Bible), pray often, encourage each other - as we weave for the eternal and for His glory.

Thus the name my college friend and I chose for our blog - Tapestry of Faith. God wove us together more than 10 years ago in a secular university in a Christian fellowship. My prayer is that through this blog we will encourage each other and those mothers who read it. Together, we can share practical ways to run this race called motherhood, and find refreshment when we are broken.